Urgh!!!!!!!!!!

Lately all I wanna do is freaking cry!!!!!! My life's a mess and I'm losing control of soooo many things!!!!!!!!! I just want to say FML and have been so tempted to do sumthin stupid..but I won't. At least not yet anyways!!!!!!!! I feel so empty and so lost! I need my Jesus but it's just soooo hard! Jasmin was here for 12 wonderful days.....I miss her so much!!!!! Me and Natalie finally go the chance to catch up and pray that was amazing!!!!! I miss all my CO family sooo freakin much! Y cnt I b the girl tht everyone knws my love 4 God and Jesus?!?!?! Instead I feel like I let so many people down and ya.....I jst dnt knw anymore!!!!!!!!!!! :'( life rlly sux and I wish I could jst take everyone's pain and confusion and let them live their lives but I cnt........I feel like people honestly don't like my choices. Well guess wat, it's my life not theirs!!!!!!!! I'm tryin so hard 2 do things on my own but I feel like I'm jst gettin buried deeper :( I'm done.....life freakin confuses me!!!!!!! I dnt even knw wat God has planned 4 my life and tht stresses me out too. Plus I'm frikkin sick and I hate it!!!!!! Maybe I'll go climb n a hole and cry and stay alone n the dark.....I knw my attitude sux right now but wat does it matter anyways?! I just wish I had sumone 2 talk 2 abt my problems and I'm sure I do, but lately it doesn't seem like anyone cares! Oh well who cares but my tears r officially fallin down :'( I dnt understand how I can b runnin so hard 4 sumone then jst stop. I need my joy and hope back n God and Jesus agin but j dnt want 2 lose anyone I love either. Maybe I'll disappear and not talk 2 ppl :( I just need some serious hugs!!!!!!! Maybe I'm a messed up person and ya fml!!!!! *sigh* there's so much sin around me tht I feel drawn n2 the sin..which is not good! I feel like such a horrible friend and I feel like ppl hate me.....I have let so many people down maybe it's payback!!!!!! I feel so broken and bruised :( I was listening 2 the music from Wicked earlier and I think I'm n love wit it!! The songs hv a lot of meanin 2 them.......idk wat or who I need but I knw I'm fallin apart. I build myself up then tear myself right back down. It's a no win situation!!!!!!!!! ;( urgh!!!!!!!!!! I cnt handle it anymore..I'm done!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'( need major hugs and encouragement......................