my life story

Alright, so I decided I'm finally going to write a blog :) My life has not been easy let me tell you. I grew up in a home where my dad was verbally abusive. At the age of 5, my mom left him and took my brother and I with her. I'm the youngest and only girl in my family. My older two brothers are step. I remember the times being hard, but we got through. My mom put herself through college which had its ups and downs. She taught me to have a good work ethic. I learned a lot from my mom and I wish I wouldn't have been such a horrible person to her. I treated her like crap because I blamed her for all my problems..which was not cool!!!!!!!!! My brother got involved in some things that really made other people treat our family like crap.. I grew up in an LDS family and sometimes I hated living that lifestyle. When my brother got in trouble, the people from church started treating us badly..especially me. Everyone who I thought was my friend turned out to be a not so good friend. I was called every name in the book and I hated myself. I thought that I didn't deserve to live and didn't deserve to have friends. So I would try and harm myself even more than I was already doing emotionally. I fell away from the church but yet I still went not really caring about anything other than the new friends I had made. I wish I could take back all the pain that I caused for my family. So when I started into high school, the kids would continually bother my brother and I and it got to the point I wanted attention..so I started dating this kid who eventually treated me like a piece of garbage. I told myself I wanted more than just that. I finally just decided to give up again..I couldn't handle life! So I started cutting and they weren't too big for me to get noticed. I went through life in a daze. Then I met this other guy and I thought I was in love..we dated for 3 years. The first part of those 3 yrs was great but not the end of it. While dating Zech i started to really believe he loved me..psh that was not the case! I had a lot of people I loved that were dying. the one that hit me the hardest was my Grandma(my dads mom). I sat in that hospital room for a week watching her die. The day she died, I lost myself because I was laying next to her on the bed holding her hand. Then 6 months and 2 days later my uncle committed suicide. By this time, I wanted nothing to do with church but I felt like I was forced to go. In August of 2009, I met my best friend Jasmin and we hit it off from the very beginning. She had come to Idaho for another friend's wedding. When she went home she started getting her friends to talk to me via email. I was kinda scared at first to talk to them. Then I started to love the people they were and are. So in Oct. Steph J. gave me a free plane ticket to fly there. I went from Oct 15-19th. On Oct. 17, 2009, at 12:30 am I was saved. I was sooooo confused after that first night at the retreat, so Steph J walked and talked with me for an hour and a half. She sang Your Love Is Strong. It was gorgeous. Then we went back inside and woke up Nats and Jazzy. I said the prayer accepting God's Grace & I felt so much love radiating from them all but most importantly I felt God's love!!!!!!!!! I have more of my life story to tell so plz feel free to ask me about it. Ok? Since then< my life has gone better. I mean I still hv my doubts but I trust God and His plan 4 my life. I LOVE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Thx 4 readin & sry its sooooooo long< would b longer but I have other things to do.. so feel free to comment :)